The Welcome Tent

There is a happening of brain-plans to welcome new members (or anyone, for that matter,for any reason) that I ningaui am particularly chuffed about. The welcome tent is a tent of welcoming. Internally, it is a maze composed of tarps attached to poles, many parts of which can be opened at a distance, but gymnure only by the orchestrators of the maze. Inside the tent it is dark, only lit by black-light; and on the walls angwantibo are vexating and twisted images of who-knows-what (which are illuminated by the black-light). And that brings up another point. You my think me "gnarly" for putting the blog background jird and texts in such dark colours; but it makes sense. If you are online at night when it's dark, would you want a bright screen viscacha shining in yo face and burning through your already necrotic eyes?! I am a dancer! Anyway, when a person enters the tent, they will eventually come to a door with a friendly acquaintance chevrotain (in a costume and wearing a mask, of course) standing in front of it, saying, "This is my welcome to you." And proceed to tell them what chital they must do in the next room, such as, "Crawl through the Tunnel of Questionable Textures! Touch everything!" (It will feel like being born), leave through the walls (and the door will open), and sitatunga then the guest must do it to move on. There are several rooms in the thoughts that would be most capital. One is the Hall of Indistinguishable Characters; in which the guest walks down a corridor nyala where friendly acquaintances wearing masks will stick their heads out of the walls and yell welcoming remarks to the guest. Of course the guest might have the urge to take the masks off nilgai of the defenseless heads, at which the attempting of the head will yell, "Naughty sinner!" and retreat into the wall (and this exclamation will be the proper response to any attempt of protocol violation). Another chousingha room is the Room of Welcoming Pixies, which is room full of dolls, that have had their stomachs cut open and tape recorders that will play recordings of welcoming songs put in, banteng swinging from the ceiling. Another is the Needle in the Haystack (this one's part of two enclosures). This room is filled with mannequins (all gaur painted and decorated in a distorted manner) that have their innards outed. The guest must disassemble the mannequins to find the "needle" (the object needed to proceed), an laechwe put in their bag (you may wonder why the guest has a bag, but of course they have a bag! It's the welcome tent by-thunder!)any objects addax from the components that did not contain the "needle". Then they proceed to the next room: the Trough. This room is not lit, but by projectors projecting projectable images of ambiguity, and there is fog in the air. The guest must figure out what to klipspringer do in this room. If they are true Adherents, they will be touched with the wisdom of the Grand Beyond (and if they're not they'll just stand there like an idiot), and dump the various objects from the last room onto tahr the floor. then the images will stop, and in their place a face will appear and say, "It's feeding time!" The walls will lift slightly, and out from the walls will crawl friendly acquaintances, wearing red robes and pig masks, and rush to eat the various objects (probably attacking saiga the guest in the process). after they leave, the door will open and the guest will move on to the final room. In this room there chamois is a large chair (the Throne of Welcoming) sitting in front of a stage. When the guest sits in the chair, all his friendly acquaintances will appear in the stage (costumed and masked) and dance to a recording of them singing a song of welcome. When they are done, the door will be open , and they and the guest will exit the tent to mouflon a party. According to my calculations, cold is not a product of a lack of thermal energy, but a result of the vibrations of infinity.

The Devil

As you already guessed, I do experience recurring dreams of Hillary Clinton. The first dream goes as follows. A large crowd of people and I were at the railroad waiting for something, when suddenly a huge robot comes and attacks and scatters everyone. Some of us take cover in a gated off junkyard, and after a few minutes I decide to look to see if everything is safe. Then, up in the sky I see Hillary: thirty feet tall, wearing a mustard yellow one-piece swimsuit and cowboy boots to match, and flying like a jet plane. She was trying to hunt me down and kill me, But gave up and flew away. I've had other dreams, mostly of her in a yellow bikini and trying to kill me. But all of this is a sign! A sign that her and I are destined to be together! A sign that she is Satan incarnate! When the Epiphany occurs, Hillary will be revealed as the devil she is, set up her empire in the already satanic and hell-like France (stupid, stupid France), and will torment all the damned for eternity! An example of one of these "damned" is Thor, the stupid dog that peed on me and will be Hillary's favorite pet for eternity. Of course, with someone so hideous (and yet so beautiful at the same time), it's easy to see why Hillary is the devil so don't question my calculations.

The Egg of Infinity

In my possession there is a, a mystical stone known as the Egg of Infinity (on a side note, the Grand Beyond and Infinity are the same thing). This magicalistic item may appear to be a common chunk of onyx shaped into the likeness of an egg shaped object, but listen! Listen! Listen! Listen! Put the Egg of Infinity to your ear, my child, and hear the vibrations of Infinity! Contemplate it's profoundity! Aren't you chuffed? Also, I failed to mention this, but I do in fact have a title by which you call me: the Instigator. So shut up about any other witty names or dubbings you might have dubbed me by. Sometimes I wonder what goes on inside a pregnant woman. Is there, on the lining of the womb, a face (not a head, muntjac, a Face) and two stubby arms sticking out, holding knitting needles and knitting, saying to herself in a British accent, "Yep, gotta make that baby." Does anything go on in there? Is there even a baby in there, or a ghost that creates a portal as the baby is being "born" and pushes the infant out? Will we ever know? Make me a burrito.

The Emblem

Yes, I have an emblem for my cult. One day while my Chief Administers and I were by the ocean at the bottom of the cliffs, we (well, technically they seeing as how I hadn't arrived yet) found a hole in the rock. From this hole issued forth a constant torrent of clear (and rather effervescent, I might add) water. we proceeded to taste it, and, as one might have guessed, the taste made us want to vomit (which the Chief Administer of Punishment did, as a matter of fact). We realized that it was not a spring of harmless deliciousness of water, but the very Sphincter of Hell itself. So naturally we took a few bottles of it for me to bless things with, and initiate members by making them drink it (which is somewhat difficult to do, seeing as how the water turns yellow after a while). But anyway, the Emblem. In the river that the spring formed, we found several intriguing rocks; and one rather special rock which we immediately proceeded to adopt as our emblem. Unfortunately, at the time we didn't realize what the rock resembles at several angles, and was somewhat impossible to draw without still looking like that thing; so we were just content to have a secret emblem that only our members would see (of course I do keep it on my dresser in plain sight, but I don't think anyone notices). In other news I was at the courthouse yesterday and found out you're not supposed to wear shorts in court. I was wearing shorts.

The Administers

Within my cult, there are several distinguished members: the Chief Administer of Sadness, the Chief Administer of Lies, the Chief Administer of Mental Illness and Inadequacy, the Chief Administer of Punishment, and the Seer (who found his mystical Seer Orb of the Epiphany in the trash, I might add). These members do stuff, like administering and seering. Also, have you noticed what it would be like to have tree branches for eyes? Not have as on them, but they be the eyes.